Umm I'm too high to move.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
