I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
