3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
