so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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