I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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