i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
