When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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