So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
