Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
