She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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