WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
