I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
