True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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