So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
