I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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