I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ok first of all what the fuck
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
