A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
