It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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