I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
