I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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