i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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