I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
