Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize