I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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