New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
