she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
