I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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