How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
