I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
