Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
