my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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