it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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