toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
