my sisters under your porch take her home
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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