i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
