you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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