Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
