at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
