Don't you send me to vm
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
