i think i have two assholes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
