Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I looked at my own cervix.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
