Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
