Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize