Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
