I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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