Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
