I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
