I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize