hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
