That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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