I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
