Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
