I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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