Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
