Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
