What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
