I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
