he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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