Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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