There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
