Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
