I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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