the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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