he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He passed out mid-signature
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
