glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
