Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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