Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
