So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
