i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
