Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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