All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize