my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
