HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
