why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
