? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
