I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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