I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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