Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
