About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
