so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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