dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
