I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
