and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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