Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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