things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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