hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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