He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
