after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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