hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
