I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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