Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
