dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
