I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He? As in you personified your dick?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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