I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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