Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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