The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
