so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
