three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
