idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
