oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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