Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
