I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
