WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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