saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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