guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
