Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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